Musings about children

I came to think a lot about the advantages / disadvantages of having children lately. Only a generation ago when you got married, you were expected to produce a number offsprings within a reasonable amount of time. It was not really optional. People felt sorry for couples who didn't manage to have children and those who refused to have them were frowned upon. Now it's actually the opposite. I had several friends tell me (maybe not so directly) that they were feeling sorry for me for having my children and what a hard job it must be and really it must spoil my whole life. I mean let's face it: things do become more complicated when you have children. Shopping is a mission trying to prevent them from emptying all the shelves, booking holidays is a headache and intercontinental travel with two kids under three is a full-blown nightmare. They wake you up in the morning and most of the time in the middle of the night too. They want you to watch them build a puzzle when all you want is a cup of coffee and once you managed to sneak away and get your mug, they'll come climb on you, so that you either pour the hot beverage on yourself or on them. Going anywhere requires logistical organisation, including packing toys, a change of clothes, water, snacks, wet wipes, diapers and other essential items. However no matter how much you've packed, they'll need the one item you forgot back home. Children are rather expensive too. First you have to buy diapers + clothes + toys + various equipment (carseat, pram, blankets, baby bed, etc.), but that is usually not so bad because most of the time you'll find somebody to give / lend some of the stuff. But then you hit the stage where they want the Wii, the tv, the laptop, the iPhone, the latest (and most expensive) designer shoes and clothes and you haven't even started putting money aside for their college fund. Your social life also goes through the drain. You could get a baby sitter to go out at night, but by 11pm you are just too tuckered out to enjoy any party, not to mention that you know that by 6am some little hand will be pulling on your hair demanding a dvd to be played right away. Fights with your better half become frequent and revolve around most important matters, such as should you let your kid have a pacifier or how many seconds he should be left crying before you go into his room and soothe him. I read somewhere that more than 50% of all divorces happen in the year following the birth of a first child. So I guess having kids does suck.

Luckily I didn't really get to think about all this. Both our kids were accidents. Since they were not planned, we didn't really expect anything either which might be better than hoping, trying, hoping again, until finally the much desired baby arrives and the abyss between the dream and the reality shatters even the best intentioned parents. We had our bad moments and we still do. But our kids are great. I am not even willing to go near to explain why kids are so fantastic, I believe anybody who's spent some time with children will know exactly what I am talking about and for the others... well, no amount of explanation will do more than a day with a toddler.

Sometimes I do wish to be « free ». To read my book without somebody shredding it at the same time. Get up late and drink my coffee without having a conversation about diapers and what's in them. But then again, sometimes we all wish to be free. Free of our job, free of our family, free of our spouse. Sometimes we'd all like to take a plane to an island and live off building boats and fishing and not having to be responsible for anything or anyone. But come Monday, we go back to the office, we buy a box of chocolate / case of beer for our spouse and send a card to the great-aunt Funny how human beings actually find a way to realise themselves in the responsibilities they are taking and how much they'd miss them if they were taken away.

My kids have taught me way more than I taught them. Patience, resilience, perseverance and lots of laughter. They have no sense of time and they know nothing about stress. They live in the present, they don't beat themselves up for the past and don't worry about the future. They know no failure, they just see a new opportunity for trying again. They never give up. They go from tears to laughter within seconds and forget the hurt. They forgive instantly and they love unconditionally.

Yes, kids are a lot of work. Hard work. But that's because it is mainly about changing myself.